duendita on Berlin, Patreon, and Waiting for the Reality TV Call

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OK let's get into this: Big fan of duendita over here, she's always thinking different and—to wit!—she just dropped a new album, existential thottie, literally on the very day that you're probably reading this. (If you're reading this after April 29, well, welcome from the past.) I had a great time hopping on a call with Candace a few weeks ago to talk about the new fire as well as a host of other topics from her Berlin apartment. Check it out:

So you split your time between NYC and Berlin at this point?
Something like that. I go where the cheap rent is, because I can't afford where I'm from. I'm looking for a softer life, and to try to live more sustainably, energetically, and creatively.

How long you been in Berlin for?
I studied abroad here in 2018 and I've been coming back every year since. This is my first time going for my visa.

What's the visa process like?
It's trying to tell the German government that I'm an artist and that I can be independent here. It actually is pretty beautiful to have the support of my label and my team, because in a hundred years if my descendants find all my visa documents, they're gonna be like, "Yo, grandma was on some shit."

What's the ups and downs of being over there?
It's a very creative and introspective place. There's a lot of parks and nature—places where you can really reflect. It's not as loud, busy, and smelly as New York, so it's a much softer experience. You can have this integrated nature experience, or you could go to the club and watch the sunrise and party. Having a "choose your own adventure"-type thing is really cool.

How much clubbing have you been doing over there?
I haven't been going out too much, but I did go to Berghain the other week. I had two coffees, sat at the bar, and had such a nice time.

Talk to me a little bit about how this new record came together.
These tracks started off in my own little corner—me, my drum machine, and a few keyboards. Then I had the opportunity to expand on these ideas with my bandmates. I got to learn from every gig that we had and expand upon the demos. At first it was a very isolated experience, but then it became extremely collaborative, which is the point of making records.

Let's talk about who you worked with.
There's additional vocals from Emily [Akpan] and Vanessa [Camacho], who I've been performing with for the past nine years. We sing a lot in three-part harmony. My friend Samantha is a harpist, and she's all over the record. She co-produced "combing my hair slowly." I sent her an a cappella and she wrote harp around it. Kobe, we've been playing together for eight years, he's a jazz drummer. I love preparing for gigs with him. His tone completely matches the style that I'm going for, and we've really grown together as collaborators. [Matthew Skillz] is a bassist that I met through Jamila Woods. We were all on tour together a few years ago and remained friends. Anytime I need a bass idea, I can very easily send it to him and he's down to collaborate with me. The bass on "head 2 toe" came out so crazy that I was like, "Yo, I need to give you a co-production credit, because you elevated this track to great heights." My friend Benamin mixed the record. We're very close. I sing in his band and I go to his karaoke nights. I rented my recording studio from him for five years in New York.

The spirit of this record is very collaborative. It's my family—people that have seen me grow, seen me fuck up, seen me try to be my best. I really appreciate them collaborating with me and taking this music to greater heights. I love being in a band. Being in a band is some of the deepest things you can do on Earth. It's taught me so much about relational health and about showing up for people. I just want to play in different bands for the rest of my life.

Talk to me a little bit about what you look for in terms of working with people.
Experimentation, playfulness, tone, and color. The way Emily can sing some of my songs, sometimes it's just the perfect tone and sound. Blending and having some sort of cohesion is really important. I'm lucky that my collaborators happen to be my closest friends and family—that's how it's always been in my work. So I also hope that there's friendship in the people that I collaborate with, because it's really important that you see me as I am.

I like working with other people, but I don't always enjoy working with people who are more known and have more experience. I actually enjoy working with people that never made music before—random sessions with people who are actually painters or working in business. Everyone has something special to share and express, and I love those first impressions that happen when you try something new. I like to prioritize giving other artists their first special creative experiences, and to bring more women into the studio so we have more autonomy.

Let's talk about handling all the production yourself on this record.
It's beautiful, because when we think of a producer, there's different definitions of what that means. I've always produced on my records, even when I'm not playing the instruments. I've always been the person to arrange the tracks, I've always been extremely involved. But this one really started on my drum machine. A lot of the tracks are just things that I played in the studio.

I want to believe in myself more and say, "You know what? This might not be a crazy, big pop song, but this is what I can make with my bare hands and a blank page and there's something beautiful about that." Even though some of the beats are questionable and not in tune—the drums are printed in stereo, you can't edit them correctly—there's a bunch of weird things I did that, to someone who's more trained, they're like, "Why are you doing it this way?" And I'm like, "Yo, I'm ratchet." I got to make this shit as if I'm cooking whatever's left in my fridge. I'm just doing what I can with what I have, and there's power in that.

Talk to me more about notions of perfectionism and lack thereof. One of the things I like about your music is that it has this very loose, organic feel to it. It feels like it's very much happening in the moment, which I have to imagine is something you aim for.
I have to send blessings to Ben, because my tracks were so loud and crunchy. He had to take out some crunchiness. The next record, I promise I'm gonna watch the gains correctly and be more vigilant. But this record is really just stuff I'm writing in the moment, like a diary. There was some cleaning. For "beach," I had this vision to include trumpet in the song, but when I recorded the trumpet, it made me realize that the moog and the keys were not properly in tune together, so it became quite challenging. I had to make a decision on whether the trumpet should be in the whole song, or maybe just at the end. I wanted a warmth to it without taking away my chaotic and ghetto way of making music.

The press statement for this record mentioned you feeling nervous to put this one out into the world. Talk to me about the vulnerability of putting yourself out there.
For a lot of the songs, it's important to me to remember that these were a moment in time. I've grown a lot from a lot of these lyrics. I disagree sometimes with them, and my relationship to these tracks changes as time goes on. Some of the songs came out really nice, but I do think they're quite intense unhinged at times. I want to be vulnerable, honest, and transparent, and to try to be embraced for who I am and as I am. Hopefully, people know that this was an expression, and it's art. I felt that way in the moment, but I'm not frozen in time in this state and to these words. I have the capacity to change, grow, and learn from the things I said.

The song that is so annoying sometimes is "toxic and evil." That song, I do not agree with the things I'm saying, but it happened. So who am I to deny this expression? I think it came out cute, and it's part of the story. That makes me want to share it, even though it is, to me, a little cringe and a little like, "Ah damn, here this bitch goes again."

Are you somebody who finds it hard to listen back to your older music? I'm not really connected to a lot of my old tracks. I really love my demos, and I'm obsessed with making new things every day and sharing them. I keep a Patreon, and I try to update it regularly. Even if it comes out trash, I want to share what I'm doing right now. If it were up to me, I'd just make demos for the rest of my life. I wouldn't focus on recording albums, I'd just focus on expression every day. I wish that there was more room for artists at all levels to be supported in that way—to not have to package and market this perfect thing. My expression is worth validation and attention. The things I make that are terrible are worth listening to, because they came from me. I just have a different ethos about making art that sometimes doesn't fit into the capitalist way of releasing and selling music.

I've talked to a lot of people about running their own Patreon, which can be very rewarding but also demanding when it comes to expectations from subscribers. What's the Patreon experience been like for you?
When my dad passed away, I found it hard to write songs, and I felt bad that I wasn't posting, so I made like a little post that was like, "Hey guys, I got nothing left in me to say." But that was the only time I had a drought. Otherwise, I'm writing songs every day, and a lot of the tracks on the album started out as Patreon demos that I developed and took further. It's more of a space to share process, expression, and my own unique way of of creating—but I don't feel pressured to be prolific and perfect.

I make, like, $100 a month from Patreon, and having that income is extremely important to my livelihood. It relieves so much. I wish I could grow it more. But my Patreon is an audio diary. It's a library, it's an archive, it's living. There's comments, people can have exchanges, you can download the demos, there's a link to songs of mine you can sample. It's about building creative community rather than having to produce and make things to be consumed.

Let's talk about the financial aspects of being an artist.
I've started having Zoom calls with artists around the world, trying to think about different ecosystems we can make to support each and every artist. My dream, honestly, is to have an all-day rave or performance space where we talk about these things. A lot of my conversations with other artists have been inspiring me in that direction. I'm very grateful that I've done a lot of artist residencies with different art centers like Abrams Art Center and Pioneer Works. I've been lucky to be supported in that way, and usually my funds come from there.

I'm not, like, the most streamed artist in the world. I don't make a lot from streams. I make good money from shows. It is really hard, especially when promoting a tour right now and people say, "Congratulations, it's so cool what you're doing." On the inside, like I'm actually struggling to pay April rent. I'm struggling to have the basics. But on the outside, as an artist, we're supposed to maintain this perspective where you're not allowed to show your struggles and your L's. You don't want to fuck up the vibe or your brand.

I'm leaning more into transparency these days—real-life conversations with different artists, thinking about how we can build different ecosystems. And I say "ecosystems" because we really have to mimic nature. We have to go slow and be more sustainable. I really believe in making space and trying to understand different perspectives, because that's how we build and move forward.

What do you like to do when it comes to blowing off steam?
Hang out with my friends. I'm sober right now, kind of. I mean, I'm going to smoke today, because it's 4/20. In Berlin, it's very soft. I meet with my friends once a week, and we chill and talk. We do crosswords. What else do I do...I love pilates, I love soccer. I'm really interested right now in radical self-care, as well as simple luxuries like having really nice coffee in my house and groceries. I love cooking for myself. I'll make tacos at night, or something really nourishing. I'm really into the simple things right now.

You watch movies?
I'm not a movies person. I'm a reality TV person.

I am also a reality TV person. What do you like when it comes to reality TV right now?
I'm doing Real Housewives of Atlanta right now from the beginning. I got there because I'm a big Traitors and House of Villains fan, where you meet all these people from reality TV, but you don't know their context and backstory. I want to know every little detail. I love Top Chef so much, which I'm watching backwards in consecutive order. I'm up to season seven. I love reality TV so much. Bachelor, Bachelorette, I do it all. If they want me to do reality TV, I'll absolutely do it.